I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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