i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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