I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
