just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
