I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
