I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
