my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
