My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
