he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
my being single is dangerous.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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