Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
