I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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