he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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