i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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