Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
