i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
