Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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