So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
My dick has a subreddit
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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