someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
