Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
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