you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
