why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
of course. lets lasso hookers.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
