4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
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