Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
