yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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