nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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