R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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