just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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