If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
God, I missed his penis.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
