..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
