last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Randomize
