Whod you bang
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
