i wish my penis had a tongue
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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