saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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