You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
His nipple licking is glorious
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