He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
