This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
