I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
