Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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