my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
