dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
