"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
