Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
