??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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