The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
