just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
