i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Randomize
