never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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