I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
