this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
