dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
someone get that fucking seahorse.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Randomize
